"You're complicated. Filled with repressed longing and brimming with passion, ambition, and, most of all, an abiding need to maintain control of everyone nearby. You shudder at the thought that if anyone accidentally read your mind, they probably wouldn't like you. You set the bar incredibly high for yourself, and feeling inadequate is a regular occurrence.
It takes decades (and usually a great therapist and loyal, hardheaded pals who stand by you no matter what) for you to make peace with yourself and accept that you're a worthy, wonderful, highly competent, loving person.
You were born with doubts - lots of them. Your existential angst started in third grade and never quite climaxed. You don't want it to, and you put off that date with destiny by proving your personal right to live on planet earth every day. You stay busy. The busier you are, the less likely you are to ponder the powerful, terrible, wonderful universe within your busy little being. Unlike your surrounding signs (Leo and Libra) you don't believe you're entitled to anything. You believe you must do penance for each pearl of caviar or Birkin bag you can get your hands on. And finding the perfect mate? That takes even more hard work and sacrifice, which may explain why so many of you select men with baggage and adjustment issues. You adore fixer-uppers. You religiously, obsessively produce quality work, mending others' bodies and minds and straightening up your desk as well as others', and pray that God or Ganesh will notice."
-Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve by Bridgett Walther
I love how it started so brutally... I'm complicated. Geez, I coulda told you that. Though I never would like to admit that so abruptly. But if someone were to ask me if I was, of course I'd say the truth. Setting the bar high and having high expectations of myself has always been a little challenging. I'm obviously a perfectionist and many other things I can sit here and talk about... but ever hear the saying "I'm my own worst enemy"? That's me. I have high expectations of myself and what I do... and I stress myself out to meet those expectations. Then once I meet them, I criticize myself... I am my own worst enemy. And unfortunately, the second paragraph is true as well. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago. Growing up I was very self-conscious, was more of a follower, and I cared too much what others thought. Along the way, I was fortunate enough to meet and make friends with people who helped build up my confidence and made me feel and helped me shape myself into the woman I am today. As far as the third paragraph, those who are close to me know that I am a busy busy person. I take on too many tasks, and sometime it's very overwhelming. Within the last six months or so, I would say it has calmed down, but I still like to stay busy. I thrive for schedules, and staying busy... but I also thrive for a weekend of nothing, and being lazy. lol As far as the need to help people, my forte. And the feeling of having to "earn" something.. could say that is somewhat true as well. It's a little crazy how one chapter in a book, and explain me as a person and how/who I am. Just wait... it only gets better!!
No comments:
Post a Comment