Hey all... tonight was my last night posting on this blog (for now).  I'm not deleting it, it will still be available (the link will be available on my new blog).

My new blog address is:

http://sweeetlilnothings.blogspot.com/

Please follow my new blog, it will be way more fun & interesting, promise! ;) You can also subscribe to my new blog via email, the form to fill out is on the blog!

How to Interact with a Virgo

DO:

Pay attention to hygiene. Virgo is a stickler for a bug-free, germ-free environment.

Arrive on time even if Virgo doesn't. It'll earn you bonus points in the long run.

Get all the details about a trip, job, event, or investment before asking Virgo to participate... You'll come off like a chump if you don't.

Respect Virgo's dietary idiosyncrasies. Somewhere between the dark chocolate, martinis, and coffee is the semblance of a healthy lifestyle.

Feed Virgo's rather tenuous self-confidence. Comment on whats good and right about Virgo, instead of point out weaknesses.

DON'T:

Find fault and nitpick. Virgo knows a lot more about you than you do about her. If you open the door to faultfinding, you're playing with fire.

Encourage perfection. Virgo is already obsessed with producing a perfect result and doesn't need any nagging from you.

Feed Virgo's fear or tendency to worry. Instead, downplay negativity and drama. Change the subject when things get morbid.

Eat from Virgo's plate without permission. You might as well share a toothbrush.

 Take Virgo for granted. Thank your Virgo for every effort and good deed. Never pass up a chance to remark how irreplaceable Virgo is.

Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve by Bridgett Walther

This was HILARIOUS! Some of the key factors that ya'll shouldn't forget... the being late part. I'm ALWAYS late.. but when I have to wait for late people, I get so impatient. I know... I'm hypocritical sometimes. lol The healthy lifestyle between the chocolate and martinis?? SO TRUE, I actually laughed out loud on that one... As far as finding my faults and nitpicking me... this hit it straight-on... for most people it will be like playing with fire.. cause I pay attention, and remember things that I can nitpick right back at ya! ;) The only thing I don't think is true.. is the eating from my plate, oh and the germ-free environment thing. I don't think eating off my plate is like sharing the same toothbrush, that's a little to extreme for me... lol... and good hygiene is a must, but to me, that means, you better shower and smell nice. But the bug-free, germ-free environment.. I'm not a "stickler". :)

1.  Finished one book this week... actually finished it in just a few hours.  It was a really cute book, and I love the author (Jennifer Love Hewitt).. it was really enjoyable and inspirational.

2. Decided I was going to start up a new blog, and retire from this one (which this is the last day I'm posting on this one, for right now... but this blog will still be available, and will have a link on my new blog)... so I spent an entire night looking at designs and wishing I could just steal one and not have to pay for these reaaaallllyy neat looking pages...

3.  Spent the next 4 days figuring out how to do it myself, and designed my new website!

http://sweeetlilnothings.blogspot.com/

4.  Had the day off Friday, because I worked today... So I went to bed about 4am Friday morning, woke up around 1... and even though I had errands to do... felt a lil "bleh", so I did nothing but catch up on all my shows, clean up my room, read some of my next book and finalized my blog.

5.  I'm also involved in another blog with my friend Jackie.  We briefly text today and looks like I'll most likely be designing our blog as well... and so far, the images I have are ADORABLE!  So that's another thing I've done.. started design work for that.  But I also was able to finally contribute some of my stuff to the blog.  It's our "random organization" blog... where we throw out all of our creativeness, our ideas, events that we've been to, etc. 

http://keep-it-clever.blogspot.com/

6.  Today I worked.. blaaahh!  It was only for 5 hours, so I know I shouldn't complain, especially when I took Friday off (an 8 hour shift) - but today was fairly busy and fairly easy.  But still... I coulda done with another lazy day. ;)

7.  Guess who upgraded to an iPhone?!?!? YAAAYYY MEEEE!!! =)  So as I'm sitting here "blogging"...  my phone is currently downloading apps... soo excited to have a new toy! ;)

Love

"You believe in idealized romantic love. Heart-pounding movies, music, stories, and locations where legendary trysts occurred - thrill you. As breathless and exciting as movies and stories are, your first love (the one you cant erase from your mind or get over) is even more intense. When you decide to give your heart to someone, its a very big deal. You know you're taking the risk of being hurt but are so swept up in the moment that you bravely push ahead.

Most of the time, you're wary, observant, and even dismissive of someone who doesn't meet your lofty standards. The only exception to this is when you fall crazy in love. You suspend doubt when love hits you like a baseball moving at 140 miles an hour. All of your careful plans are put on pause. Because you are so willing to give up everything for the man you love, you must be especially careful about the ....

Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve by Bridgett Walther

About the?!?! About the what?!?!? Yes... here is about the time that I lost the rest of this segment.. UGGGHHH!!!  So I bought the book and am waiting for it to come in the mail... GRRR!  You have no idea how frustrated I was when I realized that I missed the ending of this chapter.  =(  Frustrated because so much of this chapter had been true.. I desperately wanted to know the rest.. and I'm waiting VERY impatiently for my book to come in, just to read the rest of it. lol

Health

It begins inside. That's where all the magic, wonder, potential, and excellence are. Why do you think your digestive system is such a battleground? Its not just all the chocolate you eat. Its also that you can barely stomach some of the situations (and relationships) you've put yourself in.

And how about those headaches and sinus issues? - and don't forget the allergies. Could they be warning signs from your overstressed body asking you to stop clogging up your life with other peoples mistakes and baggage? Yes!

You can work on awareness now or wait until you're 100 years old. Chances are, you'll live a long time. You can make those years punishing or pleasurable by the choices you make.

The point, Goddess Virgo, is that you're stronger than most people. You have more to offer but cling to that vestigial response of hemorrhaging favors, money, time, love, and energy for people who haven't earned the right to be in your presence. It's time to trade up - and, if necessary, fake it until you can feel your bodacious power and goddess within.

You benefit from a calm, soothing environment. Sometimes you have no choice about the environment you find yourself in. Most of the time you do; so select friends, workplaces, shopping areas, and special areas in your home that offer the most peace and privacy. You're too sensitive and easily distracted to cope with unnecessary noise, tension, and pollutants.

Because of your sensitive nature, you may find that exercising at home is cleaner, less noisy, and less angst inducing than heading to the gym. You're disgusted by a smelly gym with dubious ventilation and sweat-covered, poorly maintained equipment. Work out at home.

Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve
By Bridgett Walther

All I have to say to this is HILARIOUS!  How did a book know about my chocolate obsession? LOL Yes, I'm an emotional eater.. story of my life right?  I so badly wish that I was one of those people who can't eat when they're sad, upset, or nervous... but I'm not that fortunate.  Luckily when I'm mad I like to revert to kicking my ass at the gym.. so that sorta helps right??

A calm and soothing environment is what I've desperately needed the last few months... and if that's locking myself in my room everyday after work, then that's what I did.  And it worked... peace and privacy. Siiiighhh.... And the working out at home.. ?? Ummm noooo thank you!  Not until I move out, that's for sure.  Without a TV in my room, there's definitely no way in hell I can work out in the living room, when there are more than 2 or 3 people in our house at all times... having them watch me... yea, I'll pass!!!

Friends and Family

"You've felt responsible for your parents' and siblings' happiness since your early childhood. With each passing year, you pile more friends (and obligations) onto your aching shoulders. For some reason, you suspect that you had something to do with their problems. It doesn't take much for you to feel shame or disappointment with yourself when there is a slight risk that you may have let down a friend or family member. You'd rather chew off your own foot than hurt a family members feelings. Even the thought of it is unbearable.

Extremely protective of friends and loved ones, you may put yourself at risk while defending or watching out for nieces, nephews, or Grandma and Grandpa. A strong sense of duty and obligation is tattooed onto your soul. You cannot rest until you're convinced that everyone is fed, happy, healthy and safe. That's a tall order.

To make things even more difficult, you insist that things are done right and on time. Before you even get started on a good deed, you're already in panic mode, worried that you might screw up or disappoint someone. Most of the time, the only person who gets disappointed is you. You expect so much of yourself - far more than your friends or family do.  They're so grateful just to have you around. You've got to start acknowledging your good qualities, instead of obsessing about your mistakes. You are an extremely compassionate person who needs to be more protective about your own needs, feelings, and comfort.

Instead of making excuses for friends or relatives who say rude or insulting things to you, speak up. Tell them that anytime you feel the need for their comments and opinions, you'll ask for them. You'll score a self-respect victory for yourself and shock the rude insulter into silence."

Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve

By Bridgett Walther

This one hit home a little bit... especially about having to start acknowledging my good qualities, instead of obsessing about mistakes, the bad, and the ugly.  I can honestly say, that I used to rather help other people with their needs and feelings, and shrug off my own.  There's the stubbornness in me, the stubborn part that doesn't admit that my feelings and needs need protecting.  But the last month or so.. the "soul searching" I call it... maybe because I was let down, maybe because I was hurting - but I'm putting myself first.  And by doing so, I feel guilty.  I hate to admit that also.  Why do I feel guilty...? I'm not too sure.  What do I feel guilty of...? I don't know the answer to that either.  It's just that feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach... Maybe cause I feel that I'm not putting others before myself..? Or maybe cause I actually feel that I've let go... that I've let go of that obligation of making sure everyone is okay, making sure everyone knows I'm here when they need me.

For those important people in my life... you know I'm ALWAYS here when you need me.  For those of you not so important... well, I'll be here for you when I feel like it.  Depends on the day. ;)

Career and Money

"Many of you are extremely creative and musically inclined. Because you know that no one can exceed your high standards, you're better of running your own business than being a tiny bureaucrat in a huge bureaucrracy.

You also have a keen interest in health, medicine, and cutting-edge surgical intervention, so alot of you become doctors, thereapists or nurses.

You're a stickler for organization, sky-high standards, excellent service, and on-time delivery. You can be a very demanding boss, tough on your staff, but your customers love you. They know that you'll always make good on your guarantees.

Be very cautious in business and finance. Just because an investment adviser comes highly recommended doesnt mean he wont make mistakes that erase half of your savings. Keep an eye on how your money is handled. Dont hesitate to squawk when you see something on a report or invoice that doesnt make sense. Ask questions and dont hesitate to move your money elsewhere if you arent being treated respectfully and honestly."

Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve
By Bridgett Walther

Being my own boss...?  Check.

Feeling that no one can exceed my expectations...? Check.

Keen interest in health and medicine...? I used to want to be a nurse, so that counts. Check.

Stickler for organization...? Double check.

Excellent service...? Check.

Demanding boss...? Check, check. (lol)

Customers love me...? DUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH!!! =)

"The third and final ten days of Virgo (which I am the last day) falls under the decanate of lovebug Taurus - pure, 100% U.S. prime, baby. You're extremely sensual, sexual, and irresistible. You might be wearing a business suit, but your lingerie is totally naughty.

Yours is one of the lusty, "touch me" triad of Earth signs, made up of Virgo, Taurus, and Capricorn. You like to feel, touch, and hold things before you buy them. You like valuables to be in the right place. It makes life so much simpler and less stressful. Only another Virgo can truly understand this.

You're also a wild and crazy member of the mutables: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces. Maybe not the most consistent people in the zodiac, but only because of annoying life interruptions. You know it works: You hate to disappoint, so you agree to plans that screw up your schedge. Eventually you're re-smashed against the wall and cant possibly honor all the promises you've made. So you hate yourself. Typical mutable behavior.

Because you're a die-hard rescuing, quality-control, perfection-just-aint-good-enough kind of gal, you struggle with the meaning of life, pretty much on a daily basis. "Why the hell am I here? Why am I not perfect, taller, thinner, richer, smarter, and utterly adored?" You bash your head against wall after wall, trying harder than just about anyone else to work magic on people and situations that refuse to cooperate. Darling, stop trying so hard."

Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve

by Bridgett Walther

I've been using the "OCD" excuse for years... liking/wanting things in the right place, liking/wanting things a certain way... it just makes my life easier and less stressful... HAHA! But being the "perfection-just-aint-good-enough" kind of gal isn't something to be proud of either...

SIIIIIIIGHHHH

This segment doesn't leave me much to talk about... cause I don't feel like commenting on the naughty lingerie, or how my sign is one of the "lusty, touch-me" triads.  Or how I'm part how my sign is one of the "wild and crazy" ones along with a few others...

Think I'll just sit back on this one, and feed off the last line... "Darling, stop trying so hard."

If only it were that simple. ;)

"Because you need to be in control, you're busy all the time. There are always needy people clustering around you, with multitudes of problems that they can't or won't deal with. You volunteer big fat slabs of time trying to make others happy, even when they've immunized themselves against joy. Eventually, you feel as joyless as the people you're trying to rehab and rescue. You acknowledge that it's a tiresome, thankless bore picking up anothers mess, making excuses for friends who cant make it into work, and accepting blame so that someone else doesn't have to. You start to realize that without you, a number of people you've propped up wouldn't be where they are today. This is the beginning of your transformation from grateful footstool to hot-blooded Queen Elizabeth I.

 

When it dawns on you that others actually believe that you can be replaced, you begin a lifelong toughening-up process. You get smart and start asking for more money, more respect, and more freedom (which, of course, you've earned with triple-digit interest). Your request may not be granted, but your change of consciousness elevates your self-respect and a deepening well of core power. You're a powerful force in the making - and Goddess knows you've paid dearly for this lesson.

You need to feel valued, and until you learn to value yourself, you sell tiny lots of your heart, soul, time, happiness and future in order to win anothers love, attention, loyalty or assistance. Remember, yours is an Earth sign, big on transactions: {If I give you this, then you give me that}."

-Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve
by Bridgett Walther 

Having to have control all the time is something that I'm currently working on.  I realized I needed to work on that when I started to panic at certain things, that I shouldn't panic about... I can't be in control of EVERYTHING... and this is where I'm taking a step back and letting God take control of what he has planned.  I'm also working on saying "no", and convincing myself that not EVERYONE NEEDS me.  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE helping people, it's what I do best.  And that's why I have so many people in my life who come to me for help... I listen, I give advice when I can, I help when needed, I'm there to lend a shoulder or a hand... but lately I feel that other peoples problems plus my own... it's getting to be too much, and the added stress is unnecessary (reason why the FB account was deleted).  I was spending too much time caring/reading about people's drama, people that aren't in my day-to-day life, so why care?

I do feel that my eyes were opened a little more with everything life has thrown my way the last couple months.  I've built up that "self-respect", and believe that I deserve better in life.  So the "toughening process" is definitely in transition... And unfortunately there are some people in my life that don't "value" me as much as they should, and if they do... they don't show it!  But it does make me second guess my "worth", my "value".  I had a close friend of mine tell me not too long ago, that I need to love myself.  And as soon as I love myself then I will have a better understanding of what I deserve.  He told me that I need time to "do me", get to know myself better and figure out what/who I am.  (Which I've been trying to do...).  But when I read this segment in this book, it was a reminder of what he said.  Until I learn to value myself... I'm going to give some of my heart to this person, some of my time to this person, and my happiness over there to that person... just so I can receive love in return, receive the attention I want....Uggh! As weak and needy as that sounds... It's embarrassingly true.  But I'm currently in transition... coming to the terms of how I look at myself, and how I value myself... I know any person would be lucky to have me in their life, but I'm not 100% convinced just yet... I'm a work in progess.

VERY EXCITED!!

I added a photo album (on the right side of my blog).  Make sure you click the "Photo Album" image and take a looksie!

=)

1.  So, I started off the week dropping my car off... AGAIN!  I told him, okay... for reals... I need my car by Thursday cause I have customers to see... so I had Bobby drop me off Wednesday after work so I can get my car... Nope, car wasn't ready, the owner said he'll pay for a rental car for me to drive Thursday cause of the rain and the weather... the caulk and paint weren't dry and he didn't want to risk it.  Blllaaaahhh!!  So I got to drive a Jeep Compass around on Thursday.  Thursday went and picked up my car, and it looks good!!  Woohoo!!

2.  Early mornings + me = no bueno.  Being carless, I was able to get a ride from Josh to work Tuesday and Wednesday morning.  The bad thing... he starts work at 7.  I normally start work till 9. ugh!  As much as I was glad to help him out by gracing him with my presence in the morning (was totally sarcastic, everyone knows I'm not a morning person lol), but unfortunately those early mornings made me a little bitchier and more tired than normal...

3.  Every other Thursday I have a couple customers I go visit.. in Pomona, Santa Ana, and Anaheim.  Thursday morning had been an emotional morning for me... being tired from the lack of sleep the nights before (cause going to bed late, and being at work 2 hours earlier than normal), stress, and other little things (that I can't seem to stop caring about).  But Thursday made me laugh.. one minute I'm listening to a song in the car and start crying.. then the next minute I'm falling in love with a guy who works at one of my customers shops. HAHA!  I had told one of the boys at work about him.. and he asks me.. did you talk or you just admiring?  I laughed at myself again, telling him.. I don't have time to admire.  But this guy made sure to introduce himself, and made a couple comments... I'm hoping these customers get busier and I have to start seeing them every week... and I'm thinking if I get there earlier.. I might have a better chance of seeing him. LOL  I've been visiting these customers for a good year now, and have NEVER seen this guy... sorta makes every other Thursday a little more exciting. ;)

4.  So, only a few people know.. but Thursday I experienced something I do not wish upon anybody.  I'm a little uneasy about writing about this on my blog, but.. I write about my life and what I go through, so.. what the hell.  I have nothing to lose.  But Thursday I had a "cryosurgery"... (a surgery only girls can have).  Without going into too much detail and grossing out any men who might read my blog... I had parts of my cervix froze because of abnormal cell growth (precancerous cells which can lead to cervical cancer).  Coming home, emotionally stressed and uncomfortable... I'm telling my parents and grandparents about my "experience" after the surgery... telling them about the dizziness, blacking out, not being able to move, open my eyes, or hear.., totally drenched in sweat, and having my hand spazzing out cause I was trying to text... they are all thinking that it was a panic attack.  And this probably wasn't the first one... ugh, no bueno!

5.  Friday (day after my procedure), being at work uncomfortable all day - I treated myself to Golden Spoon when I got off... cause yogurt always makes me feel better...  so I went home, made myself comfortable (as comfortable as I can be), layed on the couch and started watching all my shows on the DVR... and in walks Robby!!! YAAAAAY!!! :)  Haven't seen him in 2 months, and again, realized how much I had missed him. Then Bobby came over for a bit, waited for me (patiently) while I got ready (which nothing felt or fit comfortable given that I still had a yucky cramping feeling)... and we drove over to TGI Friday's to meet his friends for some drinks. :) Couple drinks later, the cramping was gone.  Mission accomplished.

6.  The weekend consisted of trying on wedding dresses (not me, but Stephanie lol), picking up and dropping off my car to get serviced (all of my car work is officially done now!), being in Borders for hours... (looking for books, and then standing in the verrrrry long line that went around the entire store).  I got a couple of amazing books that I'm soooo excited to read and post about.  A lot of them have quotes, so I'm sure you'll be reading some of my favorites pretty soon.  I did come across an astrology book, and reading the chapter on "Virgos"... I laughed at how real it was, and how weird how dead on it is.  So this next week, everyday I'm going to post an excerpt from that chapter, and will most likely write about it afterwards.  It's more fun for me... not sure if it will be for my readers.  But if you do read it... hopefully it will give you guys a little more insight on the person I am.  :) 

7. One of the books at Borders, I didn't buy it... but Melissa and I really enjoyed it.  It was a birthday book, and you go to your birthday and it tells you about the kind of person you are (was a zodiac/astrology type of book).  Under my birth date, it stated: "Good things come to those who wait, and sometimes the most important thing you can do is sit still.  Take a break in your 24/7 marathon of activities to relax at home or spend some time daydreaming."  This is the 3rd or 4th thing I've read this week that has said something along those same lines... a couple books, a devotional that was sent to me... siiigh.. think its time to actually listen?  I did take a picture of part of my "birth date page" - this is why...  Vegas?? Hmm... I think sooo!!!!  :)

Hope you all had an amazing week.  I feel my "bad luck strike" is ending... and things are looking up.  Of course I have my bad/emotional/depressed days... or hours.. lol... I'm not bipolar I promise... but one hour I can be crying, the next falling in love, or laughing. lol  I'm just going to blame it on my thought process.  When I have time to myself.. that's when I start thinking.. which leads to no good.  So, I'm finding by staying busy.. and now by reading... I wont have time to take a trip down memory lane and upset myself.  So... things are looking up... and I'm moving forward.  :)

"You're complicated. Filled with repressed longing and brimming with passion, ambition, and, most of all, an abiding need to maintain control of everyone nearby. You shudder at the thought that if anyone accidentally read your mind, they probably wouldn't like you. You set the bar incredibly high for yourself, and feeling inadequate is a regular occurrence.

It takes decades (and usually a great therapist and loyal, hardheaded pals who stand by you no matter what) for you to make peace with yourself and accept that you're a worthy, wonderful, highly competent, loving person.

You were born with doubts - lots of them. Your existential angst started in third grade and never quite climaxed. You don't want it to, and you put off that date with destiny by proving your personal right to live on planet earth every day. You stay busy. The busier you are, the less likely you are to ponder the powerful, terrible, wonderful universe within your busy little being. Unlike your surrounding signs (Leo and Libra) you don't believe you're entitled to anything. You believe you must do penance for each pearl of caviar or Birkin bag you can get your hands on. And finding the perfect mate? That takes even more hard work and sacrifice, which may explain why so many of you select men with baggage and adjustment issues. You adore fixer-uppers. You religiously, obsessively produce quality work, mending others' bodies and minds and straightening up your desk as well as others', and pray that God or Ganesh will notice."

-Conquer The Cosmos: Use The Power Of Astrology To Attract The Man Money And Happiness You Deserve by Bridgett Walther 

I love how it started so brutally... I'm complicated.  Geez, I coulda told you that. Though I never would like to admit that so abruptly.  But if someone were to ask me if I was, of course I'd say the truth.  Setting the bar high and having high expectations of myself has always been a little challenging.  I'm obviously a perfectionist and many other things I can sit here and talk about... but ever hear the saying "I'm my own worst enemy"? That's me.  I have high expectations of myself and what I do... and I stress myself out to meet those expectations.  Then once I meet them, I criticize myself... I am my own worst enemy.  And unfortunately, the second paragraph is true as well.  I'm not the same person I was ten years ago.  Growing up I was very self-conscious, was more of a follower, and I cared too much what others thought.  Along the way, I was fortunate enough to meet and make friends with people who helped build up my confidence and made me feel and helped me shape myself into the woman I am today.  As far as the third paragraph, those who are close to me know that I am a busy busy person.  I take on too many tasks, and sometime it's very overwhelming.  Within the last six months or so, I would say it has calmed down, but I still like to stay busy.  I thrive for schedules, and staying busy... but I also thrive for a weekend of nothing, and being lazy. lol  As far as the need to help people, my forte. And the feeling of having to "earn" something.. could say that is somewhat true as well.  It's a little crazy how one chapter in a book, and explain me as a person and how/who I am.  Just wait... it only gets better!!

"What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me.”

-Dave Matthews Band


(I realized those who were reading my blog on an iPod/iTouch my blog background doesnt show up, and you cant see my quotes because the font was in white.. so my apologies!)

"If anyone asks... I'll tell them we just grew apart.  Yea what do I care, if they believe me or not.  Whenever I feel, your memory is breaking my heart.  I'll pretend I'm okay with it all, act like there's nothing wrong....  Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?  Is this as hard as it gets?  Is this what it feels like to really cry?"

-Kelly Clarkson lyrics to Cry

"As deep as I need you, you wanta leave it all.  What can I do?  Say it's true... or everything that matters break in two.  Say it's true... I'll never ask for anyone but you.  Talk to me, I'm throwing myself in front of you.  This could be the last mistake that I would ever want to do.  Yea, all I ever do is give... it's time you see my point of view." 

-All American Rejects lyrics to Another Heart Calls

"Don't regret any experience in life, positive or negative. Each experience has chipped away a piece of your coal to create the diamond you are today."

-DL Johnson

I absolutely love this.  Like I've voiced in previous blogs... your decisions, and your choices in life, make you who you are.  You can't live your life with regrets, as hard as it may be... regretting something you've done, it happens... but don't hold onto that regret forever.  It happened for a reason... and once the regret is over, you will see the positive outcome... you will soon realize, you're becoming in to the "diamond" you were meant to be.

"I could hold on a little tighter, I know.  But when you love someone, you gotta let 'em go.  So I'm gonna smile, cause I wanta make you happy.  Laugh, so you can't see me cry.  I'm gonna let you go in style...

And even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile."

-Lonestar lyrics to Smile

"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.”

-Author Unknown

As for most of you know, Valentine's Day has NEVER been a day that I liked.  EVER!  Some people think I'm full of crap, and just say that I feel this way because I'm "single".  Do you know how many times over the years I've heard "oh just wait, as soon as you have a "boyfriend" on Valentines Day... you will totally change your mind."  BULLL SHHHIIIITTT!! (Excuse my language).  I will tell you all now, and you will see... when I'm in a relationship with someone, trust me when I say, I will tell him... if he gets me ANYTHING or does ANYTHING on Valentines Day... we are definitely fighting.  I say this with 100% seriousness and sincerity, that I am truly one of those people who HATE Valentine's Day.  I do not pretend, and will not change my mind once my relationship status changes.

My reasoning for hating this day?? I'll give it to ya...

1.  I, for one, believe that I deserve to be told "I love you", deserve to be given flowers, deserve to be taken on a date any given day of the year.  .

2. Valentine's Day is a day FORCED to be romantic with your "significant other".  If I want  to be all lovey and mushy with someone... I will be when I want to be.

3.  PRESSURE!  I'm not taking the guys' side whatsoever... but so many women have set such high expectations for Valentine's Day, that I'm sure men feel pressured to say things and do things.  Why force/pressure them into saying/doing something... let them do it on their own, when they are ready!  I don't want to feel like a guy has to feel he needs to buy me jewelry or flowers because of the date, because it's "February 14th". I want him to buy me flowers or jewelry on his time... when he feels like showing me how much he cares/loves me, when he feels that I "deserve" them.  (Which deserve is NOT the right word, but I was stumped.. cause I know I deserve them everyday) ;)

4.  I'm a spontaneous person.  When it comes to love, I don't think ANYTHING should be planned (except a wedding, and maybe the proposal).  I believe in being surprised, I believe in 'spur of the moments'... so when there is a day such as today...(V-Day)...  when more than half of the population is planning a "special" dinner or a "special" night...  that's not spontaneity.  That's doing what the rest of the world is doing... how special is that?? I'd rather not expect getting flowers delivered to work, I'd rather not expect to come home to a romantic dinner... I'd rather not expect jewelry, or chocolate.. or whatever else people expect these days...  I want to be surprised.  I don't want to do what the rest of the world is doing.

SIIIIGHHH... I feel better.  That was a good vent.  I apologize to those if I've offended anyone who enjoys today.  If you enjoy today, that's your prerogative.  It's your life... you like what you like, and I don't make any judgements to those who do all the cliche Valentine's Day stuff.  This is just how I feel... and I don't expect anyone to feel that way I do.  I've run into a few guys who share my same views... unfortunately, they're not around any longer.  So I'm on a mission... to find someone with a short last name, and find someone who hates Valentine's Day as much as I do - who wont' do anything foolish and piss me off on February 14th.  lol  Wish me luck!! ;)

"You wake up every morning and ask yourself...what am I doing here anyway

With the weight of all those disappointments, whispering in your ear

You're just barely hanging by a thread

You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath and you don't know it yet

But down the road the sun is shining, in every cloud there's a silver lining

Just keep holding on , and every heartache makes you stronger

But it won't be much longer, you'll find love...you'll find peace

And the you you're meant to be

I know right now that's not the way you feel, but one day you will"

-Lady Antebellum lyrics to One Day You Will

I heard this song today... not for the first time, I've had it on my iPod and in my iTunes. But... I'm finding songs that I've had forever, that I feel applies to my life exactly, right now. Even though I've had them and have heard of them, I was never in a place of my life where the song helped me, or inspired me... And this is definitely one of my inspirations right now... One of those songs I've been replaying all day... One of those songs that gives me the sense of comfort, gives me strength, and just the reassurance that everyone goes through times like this... & I'm going to be okay. :)

1. Dropped my car off on Tuesday to have my door fixed.  The body shop was busy all week, so he had my car for 4 days (picked it up Friday), and the only thing that was done was the dent was bent out so it wouldn't make that funny noise when I opened and closed it.  So I get to drop it back off on Monday for him to finish it.  Did he not realize how much of a pain in the butt it is to be without a car... umm hellloooo?!?!?

2.  Is it sad that with everything going on... I realized this week it had been a little over a month since I had got my nails done?? Umm.... that is sooooooo not like me.  So I got my nails did this week... and they ended up being SUPER cute!

3.  Had to recolor the hair this Monday.... I realized red was gonna be a bitch to keep up.  The red ended up not being so bright, and was more of the deep red I was looking for (after the 2nd time coloring it)... but still to this day while washing my hair... the water is still red on my shower floor. Scares me knowing more red is still being washed out... UGH!!

4.  STAGECOACH!!  Cindy has been trying to talk me into getting an all weekend pass for Stagecoach which is at the end of April.  I've been debating for the last month, and thankfully my boys' girlfriends listen to country... so they've been listening to country the last 2 weeks at work... sooo.... Bobby and I bought our Stagecoach tickets this week.  Sooo excited!  I've never been to a country concert before, and think it's super cool to go to Stagecoach for my first "country" experience!  So now I'm on the hunt for cowboy boots! ;)

5.  Can't tell you how great it was to spend a Friday night reading Spiderman, Jack and the Beanstalk, and some A.D.D. book about a Moose and a muffin to my lil "nephew".  :)  I loved having my Cosmo taken away and London crawling up on the couch with me asking me to read him books.  Melted my heart...  After that and having dinner... we decided to watch a car or 2 on fire on the 60-fwy... We got to watch the ambulances and firetrucks trying to make their way through the ridiculous traffic, got to watch them put the fire out, and we think we might have saw them carry someone out of the car... but we're not sure.  We tried to take pictures... but we all sat there in awe... we hope we were wrong and everyone got out of the cars...

6.  Spent Saturday at Uniquely Elegant Attire, Deborah's Bridal & David's Bridal with Steph, Mom, and Missy while Steph tried on wedding dresses.  Went home, hit the gym... then decided to meet my boys for a drink at Applebees.  But I decided to give the boys a show before we went into Applebees... I had a cop following me from Central & Edison... all the way to the Applebees at the Spectrum.  His lights never went on, but when he followed me into the Applebees parking lot, and once I parked, parked beside me... I knew it was no bueno.  I guess the cops lights weren't working... so he was just gonna follow me to wherever I was going...??  So last night I received my very first ticket in my new car... BUMMMERRRR!!!  Is it sad that I wasn't upset, and just laughed?? Even afterwards, in Applebees talking to the boys about it... all I can do was laugh.  I was thinking "yup, go ahead... add to the 2011 shit list!"

7.  I reverted back to a kid today... while skating in Skate Express... I desperately wanted to be a little kid again.  Without any problems, without any worries... siiighh.  But was definitely fun, one of the highlights of my week, plus I got a workout out of it. =)  Between skating, a little retail therapy, and some bitch therapy... today was a pretty good day. 

"What part of forever, don't you understand?
I could stay stay stay, if that’s what you want want want.
I’d give it to you you you, if I had a heart heart heart.
And we could go go go, and never look back on now.
I’d give it to you you you, if I had a heart heart heart."
-Cee Lo Green lyrics to What Part of Forever

 

"God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place."

-Author Unknown

I've been receiving cute little stories & devotionals from one of my besties lately.  This quote was in one of the stories she sent me, and I really liked it.  It's funny, nice and ironic that when she reads things (though we haven't talked in forever and she has no idea what's going in my life) she thinks of me and forwards them to me.  She'll send funny stories, at a time I need to laugh.  Or she'll send me inspirational pieces at a time I need a boost, a pick-me-up, or at a time I need to be reminded that everything will work out the way God has planned.  She sends them at exactly the moment I need it most. I don't know how she does it.. but I'm glad she does. :)  She sent me an email this morning, that actually made me tear up... Reassuring me that this process I'm going through.. focusing on myself isn't selfish but necessary - that I may wander for a bit figuring out what it is I'm doing or supposed to be doing, and that this feeling will eventually pass. I know this... but it helped to have her there reassuring me.  Sometimes we all need a little reassurance to keep on track, to keep us from completely losing it... or at least I do. ;)

She sent me a couple verses and a quote she's used since high school:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

"We should all be, fearless kids"
-Author Unknown

I'm sure there are things I do "fearlessly"... but of course I can't think of any.  One thing she said was live fearless in knowing that God has a plan and the only fear you should have is in Him, and Him alone.  So she inspired me to do so.  I'm going to try... try to live fearlessly.

Thanks Jac for being an amazing friend, and for being you!!  Love you!!



"I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how.... I've never heard silence quite this loud.  Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking... And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me.  I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down.  And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now."

-Taylor Swift lyrics for Story of Us

"I feel like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece... & I'm not even sure what the picture should be."

-Dexter

I've been trying to explain my current self, in a way that I don't know how... the way I feel & the way I don't feel, the way I care & the way I don't care, how I'm okay but then I'm not, how I'm happy but then I'm sad, how I feel like I need my friends and family but at the same time feel like I need no one.  It's almost as hard as trying to explain a face you've never seen before, or trying to explain an unfamiliar place that you've never been.  I've been saying I need to do me... cause I need to figure me out, cause who I am now,..isn't the "me" I know... it isn't the "me" everyone else knows.  I'm not saying I'm a totally different person... but how I feel, inside... is different.  I won't lie, I admit there are days I put on a facade and act like nothing's wrong... but that's how I get through the day without someone asking me "what's wrong?"  I'm the girl who puts on a smile and acts like everythings okay... when in reality I'm not even sure if things are okay or not, cause I honestly don't know how I feel.  I feel like I'm in limbo... like I'm floating in the place between the good and the bad, waiting for something to happen.  Waiting for me to start feeling like myself.  I've said before that I'm changing, and maybe this place where I'm at isn't limbo... and it's just how or where I am now.  If that's the case, then there's a lot to get used to.  I don't know what to do or how to change my current "self"... I feel like a part of me is missing, a part of me I took for granted.  I'm not sure where, how or when exactly I lost it... but I did. 

I've had to apologize to friends cause they've taken the way I feel personally.  Part of me doesn't think I have anything to apologize for, cause is in reality, I don't feel like I did anything to THEM... I feel like I've done something to MYSELF.  I think I should be apologizing to myself for losing a part of me I shouldn't have lost.  But then again, putting myself in their shoes - is the reason why I did apologize.  I can't expect people to understand the way I feel or the way I am right now, so on their behalf and our friendship, I've apologized and the only thing I can do is hope they accept my apology and hope when I come out of "this",  when and if I do... that they'll be there.  I know it's frustrating, trust me, cause I'm the one in it.  Like I said, I don't expect people to understand what I'm going through, cause I don't... but for those who feel betrayed or befriended, which was not my intention whatsoever, bare with me... cause I'm trying.

"It's good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where 'home' is.  You know that a place that feels like 'being found' exists.  And maybe your current 'location' isn't that place... but Hallelujah - that unsettled, uneasy feeling of 'lost-ness' just brought you closer to it."

-Author Unknown

"I'm the first believer in the power of change.  But there is one thing I've learned, and it's the hardest part of moving forward... is not looking back."

-Felicity



1.  Gym... getting there has been an issue this week.  But after this week, I'm definitely more motivated than I was.  With my cold still lingering, it was hard to feel up for it the beginning of this week.  I did make it there once.. for 20 minutes. HAHA!  I was going to go longer, but this is the same night my car got hurt, and lets just say I was so heated and so tensed up... that my neck and shoulders were hurting when I was running.  So I decided it probably wasn't best to be there.  BUT... I think my 5am routines are going into effect Monday.

2. Tuesday night, instead of going to the gym like I was supposed to.. I went with Josh to go watch Bobby play football.. It was fun and interesting.. and FREEEEZING!  We were fine at first, but by the 2nd game my butt was frozen from the bench, and I couldn't feel my nose or toes! lol After his game, we went Friday's for appetizers and drinks, and ended up being there waaaaaay too late! But like I've said, time and time again... love my boys, and Im glad I went. =)

3.  Wednesday was the day my car got hurt.  It's getting fixed on Tuesday... siiiighh.  Forgot AGAIN to take a picture, I gotta do it in the morning, and I'll add the picture on this post.

4.  Friday night I went to BJ's for dinner and drinks with Cindy (my aunt).  Since we've been so used to seeing each other every week for softball, when we stopped playing... we realized that we were actually missing each other! Weird! ;) lol jk  But it was nice to go hangout without anyone else and talk and catch up on each others lives!  LOVE YOU CINDY!!

5.  After BJ's with Cindy... I met up with my boys (Bobby & Josh).  We hung out at Josh's for awhile, laughed at Bobby for a bit.. then decided to take off to a pool hall up in Rancho and watched Josh get heated about losing a few games.. Was interesting.. but fun! :)

6.  Birthdays!  It was my Dads birthday this week, my twin brothers (which I dont have a facebook OR their cell #s to tell them happy birthday), and my nephew (hehe) London's (Tristan's oldest son).  We did dinner for my Dads on Thursday, and Saturday I went with The Gwartney family to celebrate London's birthday.  We went to Dana Point/Laguna Beach for the day.  We had lunch at JoJo's, then went to the beach.  While they played and dug in the sand, I just sorta sat off to myself and watched the water and the sunset.  It was such a pretty day, so I took a million pictures.  It was really weird to be sitting there.. I don't know if its cause I have SOO much going on - that I couldn't think, or I was just able to block EVERYTHING out.  But I just sat there, not THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING!  It felt great!  After the beach, we went to the park that was in the same parking lot... which I have to admit, was probably the best part of the day.  I can't tell you when the last time it was that I sat on a swing.  Sitting there swinging made me wanta go back to being a kid.  I asked Trit, don't you wish sometimes we can go back to being kids?  After an answer that made me laugh so hard, and sorta agree with her (she said no.. but made another comment I cant post)... I told her besides THAT reason.. being without bills, drama, or whatever else sucks that comes with being an adult - would be great. lol

Having too much fun in the car with the mirror.. lol

This was how old he was turning.... =)

Me taking a million pictures (didn't know Trit was taking a pic lol) & my beautiful bestie =)

Okay.. look at his massive wave behind Lark and Luca... eesh! lol



This was hilarious.. we sang happy birthday, he blew out his candles and took a bite of his cupcake.  Then put the candles back in, and wanted us to sing again, so we all played along and relit his candles and sang again! lol

Uncle Jared won a fake mustache at the pizza place... this is what Trit's boys would look like lol

 7.  ANOTHER Sunday that I lucked out and got away with doing NOTHING!  I was supposed to go to Cindy's Super Bowl Party... but after a busy week, and waking up at 12:30 this afternoon, I didn't feel like doing anything, seeing anybody, or getting ready.  So I messed with my iTunes/iPod all day, and was pretty much a lazy bum - which I have an excuse for when I had a busy week!! =)