"You're like a rush, you're like a drug, it's just the sight of you... I like to think that I could kick you but it's what you do.  When you wink at me, what's the Lord think of me... for being so frickin weak, I find it hard for me to breathe."

-Pink lyrics to Heartbreak Down

"The meaning of hope is a confident expectation"

-Said by one of the youth pastors at Bryan Morales' service this morning

One of the reasons this stuck out to me today, was because just the other day I was having a serious conversation with a friend.  During the conversation he had said, "let's just hope for the best."  And I don't remember my response verbatim, but it was something along the lines of, "Here I am, taking control of different situations in my life and doing something about them and making changes... and not relying on hope.  I can't rely on hope anymore.  I don't have control when it comes to hope."  At the time I said this, or even now... I've felt that I've relied on hope and have hoped for so long for many things, that when it comes down to it... I feel that I can't rely on hope for something to happen, or hope that something goes well.  My thoughts were, make it happen.  Take control, and make it happen.  Though there are those things that we cannot control, for example - health, other people's actions, mother nature, etc.  I had/have a hard time relying on hope - it may be the uncertainty that scares me, or not having control of the situation. So when I heard this quote at church this morning... Something inside me had me repeating this quote over and over and over...  A sign maybe? Or maybe God was speaking to me.. telling me I need to stop worrying about being in control and rely on Him... and HOPE.  Sitting in church, hearing the pastor talk about hope I began to feel guilty... realizing that not relying on hope, meant not relying on Him.  When it comes down to the wire, my close friends wouldn't really call me a religious person.  Yes, I've grown up and have gone to church with friends, and here and there had gone to retreats and different events; and have showed up for a service from time to time.  I've always believed in Him, but... I can say have never felt like I've had a relationship with Him.  But after today, feeling guilty that I basically said I'd given up God..when yesterday I had said - I've given up hope... I felt that I was wrong, and something needed to change.   

Read on Bible.org :

Hope may refer to the activity of hoping, or to the object hoped for—the content of one’s hope. By its very nature, hope stresses two things: (a) futurity, and (b) invisibility. It deals with things we can’t see or haven’t received or both.

A biblical hope is not an escape from reality or from problems. It doesn’t leave us idle, drifting or just rocking on the front porch. If our hope is biblical and based on God's promises, it will put us in gear.

It has results: It changes how we see ourselves, it affects what we do with our lives - our talents, time, and treasures.  It has rewards:  It gives us joy and peace; it gives us protection; it gives us strength, courage and boldness; it gives us endurance, comfort, confidence in the face of death.

Positive - the means and basis of the only true hope.

There are a number of warnings in Scripture against putting our hope in anything other than the Lord because these things will leave us ashamed, frustrated, disappointed, and in ruin. God is called “the God of Hope.” This means He is the source of all real hope. If we are going to have hope (confident expectation), it must come from Him for He alone has the power to give it.

So... the outcome?  I know I can't control every situation, and instead of thinking I'm relying on some kind of hope that whatever happens - happens, and that's the end of it... I've started to reassure myself that I need to rely on hope from God, and I need to remember that he has a plan - and whatever may happen, whatever may be the outcome... He has drawn out my future, my path... I can only rely Him.

"I'm more than just an option.... Refuse to be forgotten.... I took a chance with my heart.... And I feel it takin' over...."

-Drake lyrics to Find Your Love

"Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed, so you can open one that leads you to the perfect road."
-Katy Perry lyrics to Firework

Her video is amazing, it's a must see! (Make sure you turn my music player off first!)

"Begin doing what you want to do NOW. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, & melting like a snowflake."

-Marie Ray

I keep thinking if I read this over and over and over... I'll begin doing what I want to do NOW. But it's not working (lol). Why is it that we let things like fear, change, failure, and the thought of rejection hold us back from what we want to do, from what we're born to do, from who we are? I always hear myself say... I will start "this" when I finish "that", or I can't do "this" until "that" happens, or I'm going to do "this" once I actually get "that" done. Then you start convincing yourself that what you're saying actually makes sense and it's a good idea, that what you're doing to yourself is motivation to actually get to where you want to be (emotionally or physically). IT'S NOT! STOP!! It's ridiculous... cause then you just end up with clothes in the closet that you've never worn, boxes of pictures from the last 5 years that are collecting dust, half of a garage (that's not yours) full of tubs with household items and decor, and an image/drawing of a tattoo that you've wanted longer than any of the tattoos you currently have.

***SIIIIGHHH***

Okay, sorry... I started off pretty good - but then I got sidetracked thinking specifically of what I've said that I'd "do", after something else is "done". For example, the clothes in the closet that I said would fit after a few more months of hardcore working out (which would also result in a tattoo on my hip), tubs..and tubs.... and did I mention tubs of stuff in the garage that I said I will use when I move out in a couple months (that I started saying over a year ago)?

I keep saying that I can't wait for my life to begin... my real life. But there's always something in the way - an obstacle, something I need to get through, unfinished business, bills to be paid - THEN I can start my life. I'm coming to the realization, that this is my life, my real life, my only life. There's ALWAYS going to be something in the way. ALWAYS gonna have bills to pay, and you will ALWAYS be going through obstacles. I feel like a light just went on...

"Hello Val, welcome to your life; glad you can join us!"

(Mind you, I have nooo idea who "us" is, it just sounded good... I swear I don't have multiple personalities.)

((I'm secretly laughing right now, I am totally entertaining myself with this blog tonight. Hahaha))

All I'm saying... is don't wait for what you want. Life is too short to not do what you want to do.

"This moment is melting like a snowflake"

Take a chance on change. Take a chance on rejection. Take a chance on love.

TAKE A CHANCE ON LIFE!

Start doing what YOU want to do! If you can't start NOW... Start the process of getting to where you need to be - to do what you WANT to do!

"When it seems you have lost the battle of life, when you feel deserted even among your loved ones, when all your strength and determination seems to fly away in the horizon, in just one dolt; when you repent over the loss of your most precious gifts in life, through no fault of yours, remember one thing; nothing is constant and permanent in this world.  Neither time nor life, neither solution nor problems, neither precaution nor cure, neither success nor failure.

The thing you feel you have lost, was never yours, be it materialistic or a treasured relation, job or a person.  You acquired it in the process of fighting the battle of time.  Remember, you lose only when you possess it in the first place.  It is you who achieved success in all the fronts of your life.  If you can do it once, you can do it again.

Do not lose hope.  Have faith and belief in yourself.  Every human is born with a purpose in life.  Think positive.  One day these positive vibrations will attract and attach new strings in your life.  These strings will create and bring the harmony and music in your faded life.  Your life will become a musical note once again."

I found this when looking for a quote last night after spending some time with a few close friends. I'm not too sure on who exactly wrote it, I might have stole it from the person who actually did write it... given it that it's not really a "quote".  But I thought this was relevant due to the fact of what some of my family and really close friends are going through right now. ***RIP Bryan Morales***

It's hard not to think how these words can effect someones life.  They could be words of encouragement, empowerment, or even may be help save a life.

"Every day you are alive - is a special occasion.  Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God."

-Mary Manin Morrissey

RIP Bryan Morales

Jessica & the Morales family you in are in our prayers. 

Jess.. anytime you need us to come over and hangout again for hours and reminisce highschool days, and take your mind off things.. I'll be there in a heartbeat! Unfortunately, it wasn't under the best circumstances... but it was nice for all of us to hangout today.  Stay strong girly... love ya always!

"The weight of the world tries to hold us down. Cut the strings and let me go... I'm weightless."

-Natasha Bedingfiled lyrics from Weightless

I'm not a music guru, but I analyze songs without even knowing it. I'm one of those girls to who tries to relate herself to every song she hears... (as annoying as it may be). Sometimes I think - this is totally my song, it's exactly how I feel, or what I'm going through. Sometimes I relate it to other things happening in my life, whether it be about something a friend may go through, or a family member. Sometimes... I can't relate to it at all, and I just like the song... for example: "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It." That was one that I COULD NOT relate too... but at the time it came out, was a total fav. lol You will probably see a majority of my quotes may be lyrics... but they're going to be the ones that stand out to me (may apply to me or they may not).

This lyric by Natasha Bedingfield stood out to me. The feeling of being held down and held back by the unknown... is a difficult thing to comprehend. Some of you may know the feeling... it's actually one that I've been feeling for awhile. But as soon as the strings are cut... whether it be a new path in my career, letting go of a relationship, moving out of my parent's house, or letting go of myself and taking a chance on something new... I know in the end - I'll be fine, I'll be okay, I'll be me... weightless.

Quote of the Day & Sunday's Seven

So as some of you know, I've been contemplating on what exactly I want to "blog" about... rather than when posting only when something exciting happens.  As some of you know because of facebook, I'm addicted to quotes. 

I love finding and posting quotes - whether they be quotes from a movie, a book, a line from a song... whatever it may be -- So.. I figured I'm going to TRY to post a "Quote of the Day" - some days I may just post the quote and leave it up to you to take it however you want... or somedays I may actually want to discuss it. =)

A friend of mine also suggested some other fun things... but one I think I may stick with is "Sunday's Seven."  Every Sunday I will write about 7 things that happened to me that week.  Until I find something I'm really passionate to write about. I think I will stick to these fun little ideas, until I get bored and figure out what else to do! =)

And I'm pretty sure for all of you who will be reading this, please feel free to comment on any of these posts!  I'm always up for a discussion! ;)  I believe you do have to register a "login" name, you do not have to have a blog to have to comment - but just a username and password will be able to permit you to leave me some love! Hope you all had an AMAZING weekend and holiday!!

Christmas 2010

Christmas was a little different this year... for me anyways. I was pretty much done with my Christmas shopping really early on, and for some reason didn't feel so much into the "Christmas spirit". I tried listening to Christmas music in the car to get me in the spirit, but that didn't help much. I'm thinking it might have been the lack of sleep the week - week and half before. There was probably 3-4 nights that I wasn't sleeping, and was pulling all nighters. Not so much fun. And did I mention how many batches of cake balls I made? Yuughh! (New word, remember?) I do regret not helping out decorating the tree and taking our normal "tree-hugging" pictures with Steph. I was there and watched, gotta give me some credit that I was present for the occasion (lol)... but I didn't hang up one ornament (I know, I know.. shame on me). It was easier to say no, since all of my ornaments were packed up somewhere, and Mom didn't realize she hadn't brought them down (it was my easy way out). But I did happen to agree to take the annual "siblings" pictures...

Christmas Day was fun as always though... we always manage to bring out the games (this year's fav was Blokus), a few of us are "photo whores" and take random funny pictures (was tryingto think of a more appropriate name, but couldn't think of any at the moment lol), and us cousins always end up having the WEIRDEST and most RANDOM conversations... ones that are probably not appropriate for the dinner table (e.g., coffins, debates on being cremated, and the cremation process) - DONT ASK!!

And of course... we had to take our newly annual Featherstun/Elder Family Picture! =)

911 UPDATE!

Being that I haven't posted since... April 2009?!? I thought I'd quickly fill you in on the top 10 that's happened since then (not in any particular order). And mind you.. these are things that I can REMEMBER... bare with me since I'm digging back over a years' worth of memories. ;)

1. My mom was diagnose with Breast Cancer in December 2009. She's still battling it out, and doing great. I coordinated a team with Revlon last spring, and had amazing friends and friends of friends who joined the team! My mom even walked with us and finished! =)

2. Stephanie has recently gotten engaged! And fortunately and as strange as it is, her fiance totally fits in with the family!! =)

3. Robby is officially a U.S. Marine! He recently came back from boot camp before Thanksgiving and was home for a month. We just took him to Pendleton yesterday for his combat training.

4. I graduated from college..?? lol Looking at my lasts posts, that's all I was ranting and raving about was to finally be done! I graduated with my BA in Business Admin, with a concentration in Entrepreneurial Management. I then took a class at Cal Poly and have become certified as a Wedding Consultant. I've opened up my business, have my cards and brochures printed, and my website up! (www.ciaobellamore.com)

5. One of my besties got married in September, so the excitement of throwing the showers, bachelorette party and all the pre-wedding stuff was EXCITING!

She's now preggers with #2.. =)

(Feels like I've had friends having babies like no other this last year or so!)

6. I got a new car!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY me!!!!! I feel like this is the first car that I actually WANTED.. everything down to the color. But of course, within a week of driving it... I would get rear-ended in traffic right? HAHA! After a month of dealing with the insurance companies, my bumper is brand spankin new... and I got a spoiler out of it.. for only $50!

Guess everything happens for a reason!

7. Crap... I need to think of 4 more.. umm... One of the besties (Ash) and myself take a lot of trips out to Vegas, and relocating out there has been in the works for the last couple of months. Career wise, it's a smart move for both of us. And given that we know each other way too well, and know each other's buttons and when to press them and when to lay off... who could make a better roomie?? =)

8. We had our family from Virgina come home to visit after years of not seeing them! It was so great to have them here, and for all of us "cousins" to spend time with each other! Also the bonding time with my aunt that I think was much needed was great... though I did put her to work helping me make invites as we "bonded". Haha! We also had a visit from my sister and my nieces, along with my brother, sis-in-law and nephew. They actually stayed at our house when they stayed here.. so waking up to 3 lil ones wanting to watch me get ready for work, talking bout my "sparkly booger"... was amazing! ;)

9. CAKE BALLS! TONS & TONS OF THEM SINCE AUGUST... that's all I gotta say! Yugghh! (That's my new word... Yuck and Ugh combined). As much as you all think they're yummy... the smell of cake, frosting and chocolate makes me wanta gag.. unless I'm making money. Hehe! ;)

10. WOOOHHOOO! Last one!! Tattoos... yes, unfortunately... I am addicted. I got my first one when I turned 18 (on my foot). Since April 2009, I have had the one on my foot redone, have added one onto the back of my shoulder, and have added one on both wrists. I told my parents, if any more are to come.. I promise the will not be visible! ;) But the last one I did, I took Robby to get his too!

Out of all the dramatic events that has happened (the 10 above), the new friends

I have made (school, work, etc.), old friends and distant family I have reconnected with, the time spent with the people I love, the time I wish I could get back, all of the memories.. good, bad, or ones I simply can't remember... I wouldn't have changed A THING! 2010 was a good year... though I think I'm voting for a better ending... I'm blessed by having family and friends who love me, support me and would do ANYTHING for me. I'm hoping for 2011 to be EVEN BETTER!

Ive tried to find pictures from all the "events" I talked about about.. enjoy catching up!! =)

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Yes, yes... I know its been waaaaaaaaaay too long since I've blogged. Lets just say, between Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter... and also work and school.. Ive kinda completely forgot about my blog!!!! But Im sitting here right now... while my great grandpa is talking to me, not wanting to be rude and get up and go talk to everyone else. Sooooo... Im sitting here playing on my computer, listening to him talk and nodding. =)

Here are a few pics from our photo montage this afternoon... steph and myself figured out how pretty our eyes looked outside. hahaha!

We missed you cuzzys & Skip and Kim!!!! =)

My Famous Chair

So I have recently decided that I need to move out sooner or later. Hopefully the economy slowly gets better.. but I want to move out this summer after graduation. Welll... sometime last weekend, for the heck of it.. I decided to go on craigs list and take a look at the furniture ads. A lady posted a listing for this adorable leopard chair for $50!!! Found out that this lady was a set decorator for movies and TV shows, and this chair was not only in Legally Blonde, featuring Reese Witherspoon (who sat in this chair) but has also been in other movies!!! Not only does this chair fit my personality, but it also starred in Hollywood. How neat is that?!?! Cindy and I drove down to Venice this morning to go pick it up.. and it's recently residing in one of Grandma's spare bedrooms until I make room for it. =) But I can now say, that I own a piece of furniture.. besides the stuff in my bedroom! Yaaaay!!!

P.S. - This chair is in great shape, and well worth the $50. The lady actually said the material is worth $75 a square foot... so I definitely got a grrreat deal! =)

Brunette vs. Blonde

VS.

Okay guys... so I'm have "brunette" withdrawals... Im thinking of going back dark. I think the blonde is making me look washed-out... Some people have told me to stay blonde.. others have said the dark hair makes my eyes stand out more. (And you know you always have to make your best feature stand out more than anything else). lol Soooo..... I wanta see what you guys think. The poll with my friends is pretty even... Let me know whatcha think!! =)

Christmas!!

Sooo fall quarter finally ended... finally! Even though I was kind of bummed because I made some great friends this quarter! We're hoping to stay in touch, and hang out and stuff.. and hopefully schedule classes again together. I have one more week of vacation left.. then another quarter starts up! Ugh!! I just keep thinking to myself... 6 more months, 8 more classes.. and then your done... FOREVER!!!

Decorating the tree is always a photo op for us.. steph went and put mascara on before we did the tree... lol












Here are some pix of different christmas parties... (Cindys and one from San Diego)













Christmas was nice... spent christmas eve with the besties (dont have pix yet), and spent christmas of course with the fam bam. ive put up a few pix taken by mykenzie.. and also robby who was our photographer while we were posing doing the dishes! ;)

So its been awhile..again and I apologize. Im always on the computer, but never have enough time to sit down and blog. My classes are getting crazier and crazier, work is.. well.. work.. and I've also been catering... So Ive posted some pics from Halloween. We all went down to Hollywood, and stayed at a hotel over there to avoid traffic and driving back late. Down in Santa Monica, they close down the streets, and everyone just walks around and hangs out. Well... we got stuck in so much traffic, after we got off the exit, it took us about 3 hours to get to our hotel room to get ready.. so by the time we were all ready... it wasnt worth it going over there. So we walked down Hollywood Blvd - it was crazy. All you see is all these people walking down the street in crazy costumes. All of us girls were in pain wearing heels.. so we had decided to take a taxi. That didn't work so well.. cause people were walking faster than our taxi was moving. haha! We got out, started walking some more... and the clubs were about to close in a couple hours.. so some of us, including myself.. called it quits and walked back to the hotel. I think I walked about 10 miles that night... it was insane. I got quite a work out though!! =)

Here's some more pics.. more recent. This past Wednesday.. a friend of mine that I have 2 classes with this quarter.. talked me into going to a school event. Mind you.. out of the 5 years Ive been attending school.. I have never participated in anything to do with school. I go to school, and go home. Thats it. lol One of our teachers is the President of the Entreprenuership program at school.. and there was a huge awards night on Wednesday. In this class we had to submit a 90-second fast pitch for an idea we had to come up with.. either a product or a business. We all had to enter in the competition. (exciting, but scary at the same time). They chose 15 semi-finalist.. and there were 5 people who were chosen out of the 25 people in our class. Then they chose 5 finalist who were going to submit their pitch in front of investors, and the other 500 people at this event on Wednesday. 3 of those finalist were from our class. So the event was more interesting and entertaining since our classmates were participating. Myself, and 2 other girls met up with a guy from our class, and he drove all of us to the Riverside Convention Center... we went formally dressed, and a nice dinner and wine.. (which was weird, cause Im used to working these events!)... then afterwards all hung out at a local restaurant. It was really nice hanging out with a different crowd... we all had so much fun, we all want to go out more often. I have to tell you though... it was really nice having the guys pick up the tab.. something Im obviously not used too. Haha! Oh.. and by the way.. the winner of the competition won $4000, the second place won $3000... and third place won $1000... our classmates won first and second place.. which was exciting. =)